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And not in an altogether cheery way. Of course, there are unscripted programming executives at all the American networks, who preside over vast repertory companies of dwarves, horny bachelorettes, racist bounty hunters, celebrity sex-tape alumni and the like. From these stockpiles, they must assemble new and intriguing combinations to provide the best in early 21st-century entertainment. They must corral them on islands; inquire if they are smarter than a second old amoeba; strap them to polygraphs; and encourage them to make out with secret millionaires in Jacuzzis.

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Where once Mike favoured nynpho such as the live screening of surgery to remove a lb tumour from a woman, he soon graduated to concepts that seemed more actively deed to bring on the apocalypse. The reason we are forced to make do with BBC shows such as Blue Planet or Little Dorrit, or indeed acclaimed programmes on commercial channels, is that rival broadcasters cannot compete with the BBC for funding. Have any of these people seen the likes of Moment of Truth, one wondered idly, in which our hero Mike Darnell hooked up semi-witting participants taks lie detectors, whereupon they were asked "Do you really care about starving children in Africa?

But mostly, they must try to scrape together a punch-drunk response to one of Mr Darnell's ratings behemoths. Only this week The Wire's own Dominic West said that British TV lacked high-end contemporary drama but did costume drama brilliantly - a statement swiftly spun and used as a stick to beat the BBC by the very people who would like nothing more than for most of the corporation's output tame be bonnet- and corset-wrapped. Amazing nympho slut is fan of kinky interracial sex.

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They therefore have to compete for quality, an arrangement that in the good times raises standards across the board. There was Who's Your Daddy? The anti-Beeb brigade is condemned to waiting to catch out a newsreader for failing to wear ynmpho poppy, or a comedian for an off-colour remark; but should they get their wish, the brigade members will find there are not enough s in their newspapers to accommodate the necessary frothing indignation.

But who would you back to call it right - Fox's affable evil genius, or a bunch of whingers who still can't get over a phone call they never heard? In these grim economic times for commercial broadcasters, the licence fee might be the only guarantee that programmes will be made at all. This week he announced his latest primetime event, More to Love, in which the clinically obese will finally be enfranchised as reality citizens, and given their own dating show.

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Sucking fat BBC is fun but getting her wet pussy fucked missionary is much better. Whether or not it is a fact capable of being grasped by those who wish to destroy the BBC, this is what their telly nbc look like if and when they succeed. And not in an altogether cheery way.

Why don't real women - the women who watch these shows for the most part - have a chance to find love too? Of course, there are unscripted programming executives at all the American networks, who preside over vast repertory companies of dwarves, horny bachelorettes, racist nmypho hunters, celebrity sex-tape alumni and the like. They must corral them on islands; inquire if they are smarter than a second old amoeba; strap them to polygraphs; and encourage them to make out with secret millionaires in Jacuzzis.

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From these stockpiles, they must assemble new and intriguing combinations to provide the best in early 21st-century entertainment. To give the uninitiated a flavour of Fox's output, it is fair to class it as the network where American Idol is the equivalent of Kenneth Clark's Civilisation. Imagine the collective explosion as apoplectic Mail readers survey the hilariously debased primetime schedules - and the inevitably high ratings - and realise that this is what they voted for, every time they phoned in with some demented complaint about something they never actually saw.

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